So much to say

Its been awhile since I've blogged. Things are going well here, in the home stretch of this pregnancy. We've had a great summer with a vacation to Maine, lots and lots of trips to the beach (I am a very tan preggo, well for an Irish girl anyway), and filled with friends and laughter. This weekend the hubs and I were thrown a beautiful baby shower from close friends and family, they threw such a wonderful party. I'm blown away by the love and care put into the shower and am so thankful to have people that care about us that much in our lives. Then the people who came to the shower it was just so good to see so many of the people we love celebrating with us and holy mackarel were they generous! We are so blessed, our little man is surrounded by so much love. The shower really deserves its own post so that is coming.
Here is a filler while I do some laundry and try to put some things together. Its the Emmy's openning number and I loved it!

Nursery Update

We bought a crib today! Yay, well more specifically my parents bought a crib for us! Woot Woot thanks Mom and Dad!
Its this one

Which can be found here
I'm surprised it took this long for me to find one I like but apparently I decided to become ridiculously picky about this which is pretty out of character for me. The hubs might be rubbing off on me, as he once spent 2 YEARS looking for brown dress shoes (side note when we found the "right" shoes I wanted to buy like 15 pairs). Anyway I ended up going through Babys R Us shaking all the cribs and this one was the nicest one that endured my shaking test. This reminds me of my parents story of buying their kitchen table, they were VERY rough in the store as they had six kids and wanted to make sure that it would last (to the point where I believe one of them was standing on it or something but I could just be making that part up who knows). That kitchen table is just as strong as it was when I was little though so I guess its good to do things a little goofy when buying furniture.

We aren't doing the whole traditional nursery thing where we're redoing the whole room. Our guest room was painted a nice pale green color when we moved in (with future babies in mind) and we'll keep the current furniture in there. The furniture that is there is from my great grandparents and matches the crib. My idea is to still keep this as a spare room/baby's room. The baby will most likely sleep with us for the foreseeable future and just use the crib sporadically for naps and such for awhile. When he's sleeping a bit more we'll move him over to the crib and then when he is old enough we'll transition him into the big bed that is already there and keep the crib in there for future kidlets. With that in mind we got a pretty gender neutral bedding set that looks like this

Actually the walls in our room are a similar color and I got a dark blue comforter for the bed to "boy" up the room a bit.

I am excited to set up the crib and do some rearranging in the room. We might have to move one of the dressers out for space issues but we'll see. Mostly I just need to sell some stuff before this baby comes so we have room for him. The hubs and I have collected some crazy stuff that we don't use but could bring in a pretty penny on Craigslist.

Thinking Positively

So lately I've really been working on having a positive outlook. This isn't too far of a stretch because I'm generally a glass half full type of person, but lately I've been stressing about things that I don't need to stress about. Noticing that my mind was going places I didn't want it to go, I wanted to nip it in the bud. For me one of the best ways to do that is to control what comes in; books, tv, movies, conversations. All of these play a part in where I allow my mind to go. A verse that I memorized a long time ago (it was displayed in my best friends bathroom when I was a teenager, made it so easy to memorize!) always comes to mind when I'm struggling with my thoughts.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

How much different would our day to day life look if we consciously made the effort to only think on those things. How many tv shows, movies or books would this cut out if used this verse to decide what you were allowing in your mind? How often do we think worst case scenario's or dwell on how others have hurt us? Surely this colors our outlook on life. One of the girls I work with goes a step further and makes sure you are only speaking good into others lives. This applies to your own as well. How much more positive your life would be if your words are words of affirmation and not degradation.

Psalm 126:2
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."

When people see the words that come from my lips may they be able to say "The Lord has done great things for Kristi" He surely has; let my actions, reactions, words and thoughts attest to this.

Viability and a sigh of relief

So this week I hit a milestone, I'm 24 weeks. Which now is when the baby has a fighting chance of surviving out of the womb. Don't get me wrong I want our little Bam Bam to cook a bit more get some fat on his little body but this really does make me breathe a sigh of relief. I'm also coming pretty close to my 3rd trimester, it seems like its going pretty quickly. I do find myself pretty freaking grumpy when I'm stuck in the heat, thats pretty much the symptom that is most apparent right now. I love feeling little Bam Bam moving and kicking and generally can't keep myself from talking to him when he does, which makes me look pretty "interesting" (read: crazy) when it happens in public. It is such a magical time, having this little boy inside of me growing and sharing everything with me. Its so hard to believe that pretty soon he'll be on his own and on the outside. I can't wait to get to know him, to see who he'll look like, to watch him grow.
I decided we're going to do some childbirth classes. I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not because I am so familiar with birth through my doula work but I figure the refresher is probably good and it will be good for the hubs to have a little more confidence going into it. We are using the Bradley Method because it emphasizes the husbands role as the coach and I've seen great success with clients who use it. It amazes me the difference it makes in labor when you are prepared rather than just "going for the ride". I'm going to do the best I can to prepare both me and the hubs for the events coming up.
I'm going to start researching cribs and deciding what we want. One of the girls from my birth board just posted pictures of her nursery and its soo cute so now I have the itch to get ours going. Right now its filled with so much baby stuff and furniture. I need to reorganize and get rid of some stuff then work on decorating. Conveniently this can be done in air conditioning so maybe that will help with the general grumpiness when its hot outside.

Feeling so Spoiled

So the hubs and I went out yard sailing this morning and I was keeping my eyes open for a few things. Things for the baby that I didn't really want to register for but kind of wanted anyway; like a co-sleeper and an extra swing and some other stuff. Well I found a Take Along Swing for $5, great deal as they go for $70 in the store. Found some other great small things; some outfits, a baby gate, random stuff. Then as we were leaving the one I just said a random prayer "Lord it would be really nice if we could find a cosleeper for under $20". It was a tall order as they retail for anywhere from $140 for the mini and $190 for the regular. I didn't want to register for it because I really wanted a play pen and couldn't see registering for both. Well we went to one bomb of a yard sale and on the way home we passed by a house with like 6 things in the driveway and stopped. You guessed it, they had an Arms Reach Co-Sleeper. I asked the lady how much and she gave it to me for $5, doesn't even look like they ever opened it up!!

It makes me laugh because it seems like there are alot of prayers that God answers like this in my life. It reminds me that I am His child and he really does delight in me and listens to my prayers. One time I was moving 15 min away but didn't have a couch and said "Lord please help me find a couch for $10 on the way home", don't you know I did and they delivered it for me! It may seem silly to some but these answered prayers just reinforce the love I already feel and today I just feel downright spoiled!

Have you ever tried some yard sale prayers?

I'm making pregnancy sexy

I just sneezed and peed my pants..
Oh yeah, sexy!

To all the Debbie Downers in the world

Read an article over at Offbeat Mama and was struck by this quote:

This is where I still feel very sensitive. I hate it when people say things like, "At least you have a healthy baby." Or, "That's why you shouldn't make plans for birth–it never goes according to plan." It's very hurtful. I don't think it's fair to imply that I am not grateful for my child or that I am selfish for wanting birth to be more than a "get the baby out" exercise. It is okay that I wanted to be treated as more than a baby-bearing vessel. I am not out to prove something and I'm not trying to be a martyr or get a medal. I just wanted a positive, empowering birth experience and I felt fully educated and aware of my options.

I don't think I will ever understand why people feel the need to poo poo on someones dream for a "natural" birth. Sometimes it seems like whenever something good happens people instantly need to say what could go wrong, like well you shouldn't be too happy cause the other shoe might drop at any moment. I want to be someone who can encourage and who can share joy without being the Debbie Downer to the situation.

I believe birth is like anything else that you would train for, the ending is not all up to you. You can train for a marathon for a year and twist your ankle that morning getting out of bed. You can plan for a natural birth but hey things might go wrong. I think if the person is educated they already know that, they don't need you telling them all about your best friend's cousins birth where she delivered 13lb twins. I'm constantly amazed at how people need to tell me about late miscarriages, stillborn babies, mothers dying in labor. Yes, I know those things happen but I don't need you to constantly remind me of them. I'm working towards a goal, and while maybe you didn't achieve that goal or maybe you don't even care about my goal, I would appreciate you saying nothing if you can't say anything nice or encouraging. Thankfully I do have very encouraging people in my life but there are always the select few that just need to tell you something horrible every time they see you.

Long Weekend

This weekend is a little bittersweet for us, the hubs twin brother and family are moving to Virginia on Sat. They currently live about .5 mile away so I was kind of hoping our kids would grow up together but no such luck.
There is a ton of fun stuff going on though, tomorrow I'm heading out to Ocean City NJ to get my beach tags and possibly have some beach time. Then we're having a little BBQ in honor of the VA transplants. Then Sat we have a bbq welcoming home a good friend that moved to Washington State and recently had brain surgery; I can't wait to see her as I've been praying like a fiend for her. Sunday looks like I'm going bowling to celebrate one of my oldest friend's birthday, ha ha oldest friend.. Oh wait, she's younger than me...
Then Monday I'm going to said friends parents house for an annual softball game and picnic.

Pretty busy weekend planned, any big plans?

It took me 3 years to realize

That "all natural, organic" deodorants just don't cut it for me, and yes, I've tried every kind. I finally broke down and bought a Dove deodorant yesterday and I'm enjoying smelling good. My super spidey pregnancy sniffer maybe who to thank for this change but it was bound to happen sooner or later. I officially resign my status as a smelly hippy, you can now just refer to me as a hippy.

Its a Boy!!!

We had our ultrasound this morning. I couldn't sleep all last night I was so worried/excited. Everything went so well though, the baby is measuring perfect we watched his little heart pump away. He was moving and jumping all over the place so much so that the hubs was like "WHOAH DO YOU FEEL THAT?!", the look on his face was priceless. I just fell in love with little Bam Bam that much more watching him move around and wave to us. It was so amazing to be able to count little fingers and toes right on the screen. I'm so amazed and so thankful for our little boy!

Mother's Day

This is the first Mother's Day that I can celebrate and I celebrate as a Mother of two; with one baby in heaven and one baby in my womb. I'm so thankful this day for the child living within me, for this incredible answer to prayer. I'm thankful for my amazing partner and the love of my life and that our journey this year has brought us even closer together. I anxiously look forward to meeting our little one, counting fingers and toes and kissing little baby cheeks. My days are mostly filled with promise and hope thinking of the future.

There is also an ache that is ever present, wondering what might have been. My first child would have been due in just a few days, I find myself wondering if he would have been early I might already be holding my child. I look at my friends that are due this month and I find myself slipping into thinking what might have been.

Today I pray a peaceful Mother's Day to those with empty arms and mourning hearts. I pray that they may find some joy today in the middle of a day that can be so painful.

New Masthead

I do feel like I'm living my dream. I married the best person I've ever met, sometimes (especially when the hormones attack) I get a little annoyed at my wonderful hubs but he really is the man of my dreams. We have a nice little place to live, I love our neighborhood, our church which is nearby and our little house. Finally the dream I've had all my life of being a mom. I've got my little bean percolating inside and I'm so excited for this new adventure. Things are good :)

I got the car buying blues

So about two weeks ago my little engine that could became a little engine that couldn't anymore. Since then we've been looking for a new car, I haven't been in the market for a car for a good long time (I had my old car for about 10 years). Jason and I are fairly conservative financially and personally don't feel right in getting a car loan. I hate debt and we've successfully avoided it thus far (except for the mortgage) and I really really don't want to add another debt as well as another person to our family. So with this said we're looking for a reliable older model 4 door or minivan., we've found we can afford a pretty decent minivan per our research on Kelley Blue Book. Problem is that there is a ridiculous shortage on used cars so the used cars that are out there are at ridiculously inflated prices. All this adds up to a supremely frustrated Dirkey.
Thankfully my brother in law (who lives the next street over) has been giving me rides to work as its on his way, which is an awesome blessing. I'm just praying that we find something soon and wondering if I should just bite the bullet and get a loan.

Anyone have any tips for me?

HUGE sigh of relief

Last night I was at a benefit concert for Haiti and saw about 1,000 people that I knew. Of course it got around that we were expecting, well all last night I was freaking the crap out. I was so worried that I Murphy's Lawed myself out of this pregnancy. Completely rational I know. Thankfully we had our appointment today we had already seen the heartbeat but we hadn't heard it yet. I was practically having a panic attack as we're walking in. Thankfully the midwife I see is awesome and completely reassuring. She advised that we might not hear the baby's heartbeat but to save me from certain freak out she would bring in the ultrasound so we could see the baby if we couldn't hear the heartbeat. So I sat there trying to breath in and breath out an not freak out as she started looking for the heartbeat, literally 5 seconds later we heart the gallop of our little lobsters heart. Such an incredible sound, I totally think my baby has the cutest heartbeat of any baby around.

In other news we drove my little car into the ground this weekend. Which is fine since we were in the market for a 4 door anyway it just makes us look sooner rather than later.

Completely Irrational

So I've been doing pretty good with this pregnancy. Mostly I'm just beat tired, I could (and sometimes do) sleep whenever possible. I haven't had morning sickness too bad, but I have had nausea and some crazy food aversions.

Things that are currently ridiculously disgusting to me:
chicken, turkey, eggs, ice cream, anything in my refrigerator, any meat that is not beef.

Whats been killing me is that I'll go grocery shopping and two days later everything that was ok the week before is suddenly disgusting to me now.

I'm not complaining at all about this cause, I know people have it soo much worse and its for a good reason. Also, I have not been cradling the porcelain god so I am happy. It just makes for interesting meals. Like today nothing at all was remotely appealing to pack for lunch so I got to work and it got to lunch time. I started going through our work file of menus and EVERYTHING looked disgusting and by this point I'm shaking cause my blood sugar is low and I need to eat something. What do I do, I started to cry at my desk. Yep 31 yr old big girl crying at her desk cause she needs to eat lunch and doesn't want anything; it wasn't pretty. I had to talk myself down from the ledge, completely irrational. I ended up just getting some breadsticks cause thats the only thing I could remotely imagine eating and now I'm feeling a bit better.

One good thing-pregnancy pants.
Dude EVERYONE should wear them. They are sooo comfy. I felt funny breaking them out but my appendix scar has been bugging me and the waistband of my other pants sits right on it, not fun. I might buy a pair for my buffet loving brother and sister in law for Christmas.

Cloth Diapering Amazingness!

So this little lobster is getting cloth diapers, way more for frugal reasons than for any other but the environmental issues did weigh in in our decision making. The hubs is totally on board with it, I think it made it easier that he learned how to do cloth with the twins and realized its not that difficult. Thankfully I have some IRL friends that use cloth on their tots that have totally helped me decide what I do and don't need. When we had the twins we purchased about 2 dozen prefolds and about 6 covers in medium size; which is awesome now cause that money was long ago spent and doesn't impact our current budget. In the past week or so I've gotten awesome gifts and loans of more cloth diapers. One of my former doula clients and friends gave us on loan 32 Swaddlebees with a bunch of newborn covers, woolies and fleece. Another friend who is on her last babe passed along a bunch of prefolds. My dear friend, Mama K, has said she would help me organize my stash and see if there are any holes (as well as pass along on loan some of her small ones). I also won the most adorable medium cover from Deb at Made By Mama by being her fan on Facebook.

As it looks now we pretty much are set for diapering our babe in October. I'm just so incredibly thankful that this is working out so early in my pregnancy and I don't need to worry about it later on. I'm also so thankful that I have friends and family that already do alot of the things that the hubs and I would like to do with our child. What a wonderful support network already in place.

I am blessed.

70X7

Matthew 18:21-22
²¹Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

²²Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Wow this is so hard for me sometimes. I'm struggling right now with forgiveness and here's the thing. The person that has hurt me, they probably don't even realize/care that they have. I am called as a Christian to love them and forgive, but for some reason this one is really hard for me. I keep thinking that I do act like this to God all the time, and he forgives me. Where would I be without that forgiveness, I shudder to even think. So how do you forgive when people don't ask for forgiveness and to confront them is to call them a liar. I'm at a loss but I'm praying that God will continue to work on me, that I will love as I'm called that God will grant me wisdom to know how to deal with people like this.

Any suggestions?

-This person, to my knowledge, does not read this blog and I'm trying to keep as anonymous on it as I can so no guesses please.

Dream

So this morning I woke up at 3:30 am after having a dream. It wasn't a bad dream it was one of those ones you kind of wish you could fall back asleep and revisit. I had a very vivid dream about my best friend Amanda. I was at a spending time at her house with her and it was obvious that I was in her world. She was doing great with a whole host of friends and a lovely house. The house was one of those ones that you would love to explore with nooks and cranys and odd spaces. I was able to tell her my news and see her reaction. It was one of those dreams thats like a gift to you. I've gotten several gifts like this since Amanda had passed but this one was special because its been so long and my news is something we both dreamed about all growing up; to be moms. I got to tell her all about Jason and then tell her my news, it was so nice. Its still amazing to me that you can miss someone so much after so long, but I'm so glad I got to share with my first bff if only in a dream.

I wasn't going to share my news on my blog just yet but I couldn't keep that dream to myself. I don't want to forget it.

We are due 10/10/10 and are so incredibly excited. We saw our little lobsters (what the baby looks like on the ultrasound) heartbeat last Tuesday and it was so incredibly amazing to watch that little heart going.

Prayers Please

Yesterday, as most of you probably know, Haiti was hit with a rather large earthquake. Haiti is the poorest country on the Western Hemisphere and one of the poorest in the world. I've had the privilege of going to Haiti twice in my life. Once to New Missions then the next time to Hope Alive Clinic (that trip was about 6 weeks) both trips had a profound impact on me. The conditions normally aren't that good in Haiti, I can't even imagine them now with all the devastation I see in the pictures on the news.

Please keep the people of Haiti in your prayers as well as these ministries as they try to help people as best they can. Also keep my friend Melody's sister and her family in your prayers.

Pics from my trips to Haiti.

As they say in Creole Kris Kapob!, Christ is Able!

If you are looking for a way to donate, Hope Alive has a link on their website through Paypal. They are one of the most ethical ministries I have ever known, 100% of money donated goes to Haiti. My good friend Becky's parents started this.

Check your Receipts

So one way that I save a good amount of money is checking my receipts when I'm grocery shopping. I've saved so much money by just making sure that the prices I paid were the prices advertised. Most grocery stores have some type of scan rite guarantee where if an item scans for higher than it shows on the shelf you get that item for free. Some times they will not automatically do this and try to give you the difference between the prices but if you ask them if that is their policy they usually will give you the item for free. Went on a quick trip to the grocery store on Monday and ended up with beets and spaghetti squash for free, saved a little over $7 by just making a quick little scan of my receipt.
Just a little something that doesn't take too much time but can really add up.