Budgeting for Organic Foods-Menu Planning

The key to a successful budget is planning. My biggest problem is waste and overbuying and you can combat both of these with a great plan. The other thing I notice is that when I plan I am more inspired to make more new and interesting foods.
My first step to planning is taking stock of what I have in the fridge/pantry that needs to be used up. This week I have some leftover beef stock from making crock pot roast beef sandwiches, zucchini and ham that I want to use up.

So lets start from there with the leftover beef broth, I'd like to make Risotto. I found a great recipe online that sounds delicious! Now I'm not using tenderloin for this, I'm using leftover chuck roast. That's another one of my big ways of saving money, really stretching our meat and using cheaper cuts. We really just use meat to add flavor and see it as a side not the main component. Pinterest has been a great source of inspiration and I saw these healthy Zucchini chips that I'd love to try. The ham is just begging to be made into Spit Pea Soup, YUM!!

Saturday-
Beef Risotto-I'll be using some mushrooms we have in the fridge for this, so we have everything in house to make this except for the wine. I'm also using Aborrio rice instead of the carnaroli rice the recipe calls for (Aborrio is also a great Risotto rice). As a side I want to make Zucchini chips because I think that would brighten up the heaviness of the meal, Also I'd like to bring them to the Superbowl party we are going to Sunday but want to try out the recipe beforehand.

Sunday-
SUPERBOWL!! We were invited to a friends house so I just wanted to bring a couple things, the first being the Zucchini chips and the second is Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dip. These look delicious! For the Cookie Dough Dip I'll bring some apples as well as Graham Crackers to dip.

Monday-
Monday I'll be babysitting so its a great day to use my crockpot for some Split Pea Soup. We have some Ezekiel bread that will hold up nicely toasted with this soup! Another meal we don't need to buy anything for.

Tuesday-
Spicy Honey Chicken, Brown Rice and Broccoli. For this we buy our Chicken from Trader Joes and get Organic Cage Free thighs for 4.99 lb. It is a bit pricy but this will be the only meal this week that is featuring meat and using more than a lb.

Wednesday-
Another Pinterest find is Coconut, Shrimp and Corn Chowder. This looks delicious and we happen to have some wild caught shrimp in the freezer and all the ingredients in the pantry.

Thursday-
Dahl with Spinach served with brown rice. One of the hubs favorite foods is Dahl, which is awesome because its cheap and nutritious! We often do vegetarian nights to save cash. Thankfully the hubs will eat everything! If your family isn't big on the vegetarian bandwagon try to cook foods from other cultures, they might be so fooled by the new flavors that they will not even realize that they are eating vegetarian!

Friday-
Pizza! Pizza crust is cheap and easy to make yourself. Pizza is also a great fridge emptier; take your veggies, leftover meats, cheese ends and use them up! One of my friends parents instituted pizza night at their house when we were younger. Everyone was invited and they just made pizza after pizza. It was so fun and delicious and everyone ended up there on Friday nights! Something I definitely want to start doing in our house!

So as far as our menu plan goes here is what I need to buy: Garbonzo Beans, Graham Crackers, Onions, Garlic, Broccoli, Spinach, Chicken Thighs and Corn. As you can see I'm relying heavily on what is in my pantry so I really only need to pick up a few things to make our dinners. Now I go through and add in some of the other things we'll need this week: fruit, yogurt, milk, eggs. For our breakfasts we either eat eggs, oatmeal or smoothies so I try to have those things in the house at all times. Lunches generally are leftovers. Now that I'm all done figuring what we are eating this week I go through my house and see what needs to be re-filled. I like to keep a well stocked pantry (flour, sugar, oatmeal, beans, coffee, butter, peanut butter, tuna, jelly, baking needs, tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, chicken broth, olive oil, etc). Once I see what I need to replenish I check the sales and see if there is anything there that I can buy in bulk. This week my groceries I need will probably only cost $40-45 so I have about $30-35 to restock my pantry or stock up on sales items. Sometimes I'll use this extra if I see good sales and sometimes I will roll it into the next weeks budget to save up in case there is a good sale on meat or I'm close to needing a high priced item (maple syrup, oils, etc). I'll also use the surplus to sometimes treat us to takeout.

What are you making this week?

Grocery List
Garbonzo Beans-3 cans (1 for the dip and 2 for pantry as I used mine up this week on hummus)
Graham Crackers
chicken thighs
Onions
Garlic
Broccoli
Spinach
Corn
Apples
Bananas
Oranges/Clementines
Yogurt
milk
eggs
tuna


Extra
Red Wine

On menu planning

Generally the best way I have found to follow our budget and eat real foods is menu planning. While I have been faithful to following weight watchers recently, I admit I have let this fall by the wayside. I haven't been inspired in the kitchen and so we have been eating out more than I care to admit or just eating boring foods. I'm going to try to break this rut by at least making one new recipe a week and menu planning. This week we did go over budget by about $20 but our menu also includes a special fathers day meal of grass fed steaks.

I have been pretty disgusted with what I am learning about much of our food supply, so in general we buy organic; and our beef must be grass fed. I want to incorporate at least one fish meal as well a week and that must be ocean caught. Its so important to me right now that I would rather eat vegetarian rather than conventional beef or farm raised fish, it really just doesn't seem safe to eat any more. I have been called a food snob before because of this but honestly I feel it's a question of safety. We eat like this at home knowing that while we are out we can't employ the same practices but at least we know the vast majority of our diet is safe.

This has been a challenge as far as the grocery budget so I will be working on following our budget strictly and incorporating vegetarian meals to offset. The fish cost has been offset by buying wild alaskan salmon in a can.

This weeks Menu:

Sunday-Father's Day! Grass Fed Steak, asparagus, roasted potatoes, salad and for dessert Cherry Pie (from the 50 lbs of cherries my friends and I picked and processed). All favorites for Schmoops first father's day.

Monday-honey lime enchiladas made with homemade tortillas (I will be subbing coconut oil for the shortening).

Tuesday-Pizza- store bought crust, store bought sauce. Easy peasy

Wednesday-.Crock Pot Black Bean Soup-served with Greek Yougurt instead of sour cream and flavored with fresh cilantro from our garden

Thursday-Quiche with sausage, onions and peppers

Friday-Alaskan Salmon Chick Pea and Mint Patties served with cous cous

I'm hoping that Wednesday can be a beach day and we can bring leftover pizza for lunch and then come home to some wonderful crockpot soup. Also, did you notice the two low cost vegetarian meals that I snuck in there?

Are you menu-planning? What helps you?

Tips!

So, the hubs and I turned the t.v. off on January 3rd and kept it off till Feb 4th. Since then we've watched 1 tv show and 2 movies. I think we have broken our tv addiction. Woo hoo!

While at the library this week I picked up some videos of Julia Child's "The French Chef" series and have been watching one per day while Bug is nursing. I've never seen any of her shows before and I discovered that I ADORE her!! While watching she solved a big annoyance to me in the kitchen. We rarely have paper products as we use cloth napkins, cleaning rags, etc. One thing that I always need a napkin or paper towel for, is to butter pans for baking and cooking. Well while watching Julia, she used a spatula to spread the butter in the pan. It was like a huge lightbulb moment for me! One of those things that you don't think of but its such an easy solution!

Made my day!

This Moment

Sitting here with my sleeping babe
Sun streaming in the window
Diapers drying on the rack
Breakfast dishes on the table (Irish Oats)
French Press coffee freshly made

I never knew my life could be so wonderful. This moment of peace fills me for the rest of the day.

How to check if your yeast is still yeasty

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:"
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Baking bread is such a great thing to do for your family. One of the main benefits is that you can insure what is in the bread, the ingredients on most grocery store loafs can make you cringe! For a time I was baking bread every week for the hubs and he LOVED it, literally ate it up :)
But as things go, I entered a season of not baking bread and my yeast stayed put in a glass jar in my fridge. I'm starting to feel a season of bread baking coming back around and was wondering today if my yeast is still good.

There is a quick test for this; you need
1 cup of water
1 Tbsp of yeast
1 Tbsp of sugar
Basically you mix and let sit and see if it foams up within 5 minutes. If it does than your yeast is good.

I set about to do this while Bug was nursing figuring I could keep an eye on it. and after 5 minutes I had this.


Problem solved right? Yes, I can now confidently bake bread knowing my yeast will rise and will not waste all of my other ingredients. Well Bug didn't finish nursing in the prescribed 5 minutes so I sat and watched this...

the miracle of yeast :)

Nursery Update

We bought a crib today! Yay, well more specifically my parents bought a crib for us! Woot Woot thanks Mom and Dad!
Its this one

Which can be found here
I'm surprised it took this long for me to find one I like but apparently I decided to become ridiculously picky about this which is pretty out of character for me. The hubs might be rubbing off on me, as he once spent 2 YEARS looking for brown dress shoes (side note when we found the "right" shoes I wanted to buy like 15 pairs). Anyway I ended up going through Babys R Us shaking all the cribs and this one was the nicest one that endured my shaking test. This reminds me of my parents story of buying their kitchen table, they were VERY rough in the store as they had six kids and wanted to make sure that it would last (to the point where I believe one of them was standing on it or something but I could just be making that part up who knows). That kitchen table is just as strong as it was when I was little though so I guess its good to do things a little goofy when buying furniture.

We aren't doing the whole traditional nursery thing where we're redoing the whole room. Our guest room was painted a nice pale green color when we moved in (with future babies in mind) and we'll keep the current furniture in there. The furniture that is there is from my great grandparents and matches the crib. My idea is to still keep this as a spare room/baby's room. The baby will most likely sleep with us for the foreseeable future and just use the crib sporadically for naps and such for awhile. When he's sleeping a bit more we'll move him over to the crib and then when he is old enough we'll transition him into the big bed that is already there and keep the crib in there for future kidlets. With that in mind we got a pretty gender neutral bedding set that looks like this

Actually the walls in our room are a similar color and I got a dark blue comforter for the bed to "boy" up the room a bit.

I am excited to set up the crib and do some rearranging in the room. We might have to move one of the dressers out for space issues but we'll see. Mostly I just need to sell some stuff before this baby comes so we have room for him. The hubs and I have collected some crazy stuff that we don't use but could bring in a pretty penny on Craigslist.

Viability and a sigh of relief

So this week I hit a milestone, I'm 24 weeks. Which now is when the baby has a fighting chance of surviving out of the womb. Don't get me wrong I want our little Bam Bam to cook a bit more get some fat on his little body but this really does make me breathe a sigh of relief. I'm also coming pretty close to my 3rd trimester, it seems like its going pretty quickly. I do find myself pretty freaking grumpy when I'm stuck in the heat, thats pretty much the symptom that is most apparent right now. I love feeling little Bam Bam moving and kicking and generally can't keep myself from talking to him when he does, which makes me look pretty "interesting" (read: crazy) when it happens in public. It is such a magical time, having this little boy inside of me growing and sharing everything with me. Its so hard to believe that pretty soon he'll be on his own and on the outside. I can't wait to get to know him, to see who he'll look like, to watch him grow.
I decided we're going to do some childbirth classes. I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not because I am so familiar with birth through my doula work but I figure the refresher is probably good and it will be good for the hubs to have a little more confidence going into it. We are using the Bradley Method because it emphasizes the husbands role as the coach and I've seen great success with clients who use it. It amazes me the difference it makes in labor when you are prepared rather than just "going for the ride". I'm going to do the best I can to prepare both me and the hubs for the events coming up.
I'm going to start researching cribs and deciding what we want. One of the girls from my birth board just posted pictures of her nursery and its soo cute so now I have the itch to get ours going. Right now its filled with so much baby stuff and furniture. I need to reorganize and get rid of some stuff then work on decorating. Conveniently this can be done in air conditioning so maybe that will help with the general grumpiness when its hot outside.

Office Makeover

I was asked to show you the pictures of our famous Office Makeover and have been seriously neglectful. To be an effective before and after I would have before pictures. I was ashamed, soo ashamed, too ashamed to take pictures of the before. It was bad. This is the only thing I can find and it really doesn't do it justice.

So I'm going to need you to use your imagination. First the desk is empty, it was never empty imagine it filled with paperwork and computer parts that if you moved anything something would fall off like those games at the shore where you drop a quarter trying to get piles of quarters to fall (anyone know what I'm talking about? no.. just me..) You see in the corner of the picture there you can see a lime green futon. Now if you can imagine a huge futon with a ridiculous amount of stuff piled on it to the extent you can barely see that its LIME GREEN and there is no way you could possibly sit on it. Now the floor, you can kind of see the floor, well now imagine that being completely covered in papers, and the closet just jam packed. Wherever there wasn't a pile imagine some type of musical equipment. There, now you have a mental picture of before we reorganized our office.

Now for the after
This is our new desk, the hubs and I are sharing the office so we do have two printers. The walls are all him though. He loves Blues Brothers so theres a good amount of Blues Brothers paraphernalia. There's a painting that I painted for him for his birthday inspired by The Flight of the Conchords. The hubs has a good amount of equipment in here for work to enable him to work from home, so its hard to pare down too much, but it seems workable.
You can see his video conference setup, our printers, a stool and our bookcase (all technical books). What you can't see is even better, no piles on the floor. Also you can see our filing cabinet which we're now using.
We moved a corner piece from our couch up here and its perfect for me to come and sit and talk or for him to play guitar on.

This is a view from the door, we have guitars hung from the one wall, with the closet near the window (which is organized but don't have pictures of). And of course kitten cat snuggle fluffle pants had to get in on the action as he's NEVER allowed in this room.

Day #6 of Thankfulness

I'm so thankful for a the time to make some good homemade food. This weekend I've made; jalapeno hummus, vegetarian chili and corn and blueberry griddle cakes. I've also pre-cooked some beans and also some rice to use in meals this week. The time to prepare these this weekend insures that we will have good healthy food all this week. Also the food is very thrifty so it saves some coin!

I used my crockpot to pre-cook about 1.5 lbs of beans. I rinsed the beans and placed them in the crockpot with some Kombu (seaweed) and salt. I put water to cover the beans plus about 2 extra inches. This cooked for about 8-10 hours, I put all the beans in jars and will freeze some of them for use next week. It will be really nice to have some cooked beans on hand to use as that is a deterrent for me to make some recipes.

The jalapeno hummus was a 18 oz jar of garbonzo beans (liquid reserved), 1 Tbsp Tahini, juice of 1/2 lime, couple squirts of olive oil, handful of parsley or cilantro. I put all this in a food processor and add the liquid from the beans until it is the right consistency. Salt and pepper to taste. Y.U.M.

Camping Trip

So we left off last week on our way to the campground in the pouring rain. The family that was going with us had a little girl so they weren't so sure they wanted to brave the elements. Well we turned into the state forest and it stopped raining. Wondering if it was just a beneficial fluke we quickly set up camp, worried that it would start raining again. We got the camp set up in record time and the weather held for us. Our friends ended up meeting us a few hours later with their little girl. It was so nice being out in the woods again hearing all the bugs and frogs. I really miss how loud nature can be :)

one of the gorgeous wooded paths

We were pretty much alone at the campsite that night, there were a couple of other campsites filled up but not really anyone that we even saw or heard. It was great spending a quiet night by the fire playing Phase 10, talking and making some smores. We woke up pretty late on Saturday and just spent the day walking around and playing on the playground.

The hubs and his good friend were "super" excited to play on the playground

The hubs caught the fishing bug while we were there and is so ridiculously excited to get back out with his pole.

My hottie

That night was another campfire, more games, more smores and more talking. This was probably one of the most relaxing camping weekends I've had in my life.

There's fish in that there water

A great bonus was how cheap it was, we stayed at the state park so it was $20 a night split by the two couples it was just $20 for the weekend. The campground allows 6 people on a site so it could be even cheaper if we split it three ways. We did pretty frugal meals; Hot dogs and pasta for dinners; eggs, bacon and pancakes for breakfasts and sandwiches for lunch.

Oh boy I love him :)

O...M...G... Soo good

So yesterday I got inspired and I made Mozzarella Cheese. It was alot easier than I thought, once I found the ingredients. I used a gallon of organic milk from an Amish Farm, about a teaspoon of sea salt, citric acid and some Junket Rennet. Lacy from Razor Family Farms has some fantastic directions, the only thing I found was that when I was finished and put it in the salt water mixture the edges were a little mushy. Also maybe I mixed it a little too much because the inside was harder than regular mozzarella. That being said the taste was fantastic and when shredded the texture and consistency were spot on.

Today I used the homemade mozzarella in a homemade pizza. My default pizza dough recipe is soo stinking easy.
I use:
1 cup of warm water
2.25 tsps of yeast
Mix together than add:
2 Tbsp of oil
1 Tbsp of honey
1 cup of whole wheat flour
1.5 cups of white flour
a shake of dried onions
dashes of oregano, garlic pepper, parsley, and sea salt.
Let rise for 10 minutes and bake at 450 degrees for 10-14 min.

Then I take one can of Crushed Tomatoes and open it and add about a teaspoon of sugar, then doctor it up with my spices. I use the can to mix up the spices so I'm not dirtying any other dishes.

(go ahead I know you want to click to enlarge the goodness)
I also carmelized some onions and picked basil from my garden and also some roasted red pepper.

One Word:

DELISH!!

Fun with substitutions

So we had my whole family over for St. Patricks Day to eat some corned beef and cabbage, YUM! Of course I decked the house out to celebrate my favorite holiday.

It was so great having my family over as we usually have the hubs family over just cause they are so close. For my bridal shower the wishing well was decorations for my house which was the best idea since I love decorating for every holiday. So we have a ton of St. Patty's decorations

Well the kids asked for some juice with dinner and since we generally stick to water at home we didn't have any. This auntie felt so bad so we improvised and I taught them how to make lemonade.

Let me just say they loved "squishing" the lemons and tasting to make sure that it was just right. They probably drank 5 glasses each and had a blast. This no-spend month will probably be filled with substitutions and creativity, I've been really taking inventory of what I do have so that I can make the substitutions when the time comes. Hopefully they will be as fun (and as cute) as my lemonade sub :)

I just had to get one of her shirt, says Irish Temper and Italian Attitude, lol, what a pair!

Happy Birthday Baby!

So I used my cake decorating skills that I've been learning at my Wilton Cake Decorating Classes to make a cake for my nieces 4th birthday. I have made a Similar Cake before but this is the first one I've made all by myself.

I don't know if you realize how much icing is on this cake but let me just say, its a ridiculous amount.

The beautiful birthday princess. We were so happy to share in her birthday :)

Making A Mei Tai

So when we found out we were getting the twins I started wondering how you do certain things.  I couldn't for the life of me figure out grocery shopping.  If you put both of them in the cart where do you put groceries?  I figured that making a baby carrier would be a necessary thing and found a Neat Website that gave general directions on how to make one.  The carrier is made from super soft corduroy, I added an extra pocket in a contrasting fabric/color.  I really like the way it turned out, it was probably the first real quality thing that I've made on my sewing machine.  I'll take a pic with me wearing it next week and once I make sure that it works well and that I like it I am going to make another one using some yummie brown corduroy and a funky contrasting fabric for the days I'm wearing earth tones. :)

As far as costs go, the cord cost about $8 and the contrasting fabric $1.

Fun Freebie

So the hubs is one of those smart people and because of this works in a smart people field. Well his company just switched offices and was getting rid of a TON of things. He brought home a bunch of computer equipment and while explaining their very specific uses my brain exploded due to non-understandiness. One thing that he brought home though I am interested in, it's a VERY nice projector, one that basically turns my family room into a movie theatre. He's working on setting it up for a nice rainy day movie for after we are done our chores. The cat is in heaven because right now it is projecting his computer screen on the wall and let me just say that pointer that was moving across the wall is VERY tempting to my little kitten cat. He just jumped 3 feet up in the air to attack it and slid down the wall. Seriously I'm in tears its cracking me up.

We were out and about all day, had to get brakes for the hubs car, pick up his front forks for his motorcycle, check out wood flooring for our house, stop at Lowes to get stuff for Christmas and a pedestal sink for the downstairs bathroom. We found Teak flooring that we're going to put in the Kitchen, Hallway, Living room and Dining Room. We have to wait till January for it to come in though. Thankfully my family is going to help with installation so the price won't be too bad.

My Christmas adventure this year is going to be soap making. I was having a hard time finding Lye anywhere but after some searching online I realized that Lowes sells it as drain cleaner. The hubs doesn't understand how drain cleaner will make soap I told him its like a chemical peel but cheaper, LOL I'm horrible I know.

Some Good Dinner

Last night I was soo close to ordering out, I was just tired when I got home and didn't feel like cooking. I stopped at my sister in laws house and took in some of the cuteness that is my niece. The pit stop fueled me on and gave me the boost I needed to make some dinner. So I made some roasted potatoes, chicken and asparagus.

We had a lovely dinner with a stimulating dinner guest, Kitten Cat Snuggle Fluffy Pants III (we're trying to rename him because his name now isn't safe to say in front of children, he got the name from his love of jumping on the dining room table).

The hubs was REALLY happy I made asparagus.
I also made a Cranberry Lemon Cake from A Hippie with a Minivan's blog and it was goooooooood

Happy Halloween

Check out the hubs and my pumpkins for '08.

As you can tell we have some fun with these :)

Mine is Frankie and Jason did Mac. 

Hope everyone has a safe and fun day, I will update after the PARADE!!!

Wooooo Go Phillies!!!!

Happy Birthday Daddy

So my dad is coming over tonight for a birthday dinner, so as is customary I made him a birthday cake last night. As you know my birthday cakes aren't usually the normal run of the mill type jobs, I like to have fun with them, and if you know my father you know that this one is especially appropriate.

The hubs and I were happy to have two really good friends over last night helping us with this tremendous undertaking. My friend Lisa kept singing "I think your tractors sexy" song and lets just say that after about 2 hours of cream cheese icing intake we were having a good time. There may have been another cake decorated with a plastic Captain Kirk and something about a sexy starship written on it but I'll just leave that to your imagination.

Big News In Dirkey Land

So many of you know that I have a great neice and a great nephew that are incredibly adorable. Well right before we left for our Hawaii trip we talked to their mama and she had some news. She is in the navy and is getting new orders to go to a new city and spend some time on some big ship for 4 weeks at a time. You can imagine that this would be pretty hard for a single parent to pull off, as the twins (who will be at about 13 months when this happens) aren't very good at watching themselves for weeks on end. This is where the hubs and I come in, starting sometime in January we will start to watch these adorable kiddo's for her until she is able to have them with her again. I put in my notice and my last day at my current job is in December to give me some time to get my house in order and do some babyproofing. The babyproofing is necessary because in my 30 years on this planet (as of last Tuesday) I have caught the nasty virus of the knick-knack. I've heard that knick-knacks don't really go well with young babies unlesss they are in the paddy-whack give a dog a bone variety.

I visited with my niece and the baby's this weekend and realized the need of some baby-refreshers before the kiddo's arrive. At one time I was quite skilled with the whole changing diaper and clothes routine but my skills are pretty rusty. My grand niece crawled away from me blindfolded while I was trying to put her shirt over her head(my family is blessed with HUGE craniums so shirts are difficult). My grand nephew and I made some headway and I was able to comfort him when he was crying (a couple of times anyway). I have a feeling that the first couple weeks we have them will be pretty interesting and time consuming until I get this whole twin thing down. They really are the most adorable things coming or going so that will make up for whatever shananagans we get ourselves into.

So if any of you have any tips for me, lay them on me. I look forward to being at home, its a little scary to go down to the one income (ok alot scary) so tips on that would also be appreciated. I'll be updating more on the Hawaii trip and actually add pictures this week! I know, wow, content!!

Getting it done

I have unrealistic expectations of myself. There, I said it. I expect to be able to work full time, keep my house amazingly clean, make a home-cooked nutritious dinner every night, eat right, exercise, maintain a healthy marriage, keep in touch with my friends, read, spend time praying, studying my bible and find time for my many projects.

Shocker: I can't.

I'm coming to terms with this and realizing that I need to find ways to be able to do what I can. This week I started making "easy meals" for dinner. Instead of thinking I can come home and make a meatloaf, mashed potatoes and asparagus; I come home just saying hey I can make scrambled eggs. Just by giving myself that break I'm usually able to go a bit higher than I expected. I'll add some sauteed spinach and onions in the scrambled eggs and grate some cheese and put it in a pita.

I've noticed this in my weight loss, if I look at the big picture and the whole amount I want to lose I get frustrated and lose my way. If I take it a day at a time and try to make good choices within that day it works better and I feel better about myself in the meantime.

In my house, my goal is to make my bed every morning and put away more than I take out. Everything doesn't need to be spotless all the time I just need to try to do what I can. If I keep on track with it the house can look pretty decent.

So I'm trying to take life a bite at a time. I want to start working at whats at hand, trying to throw away the ridiculous expectations that I place on myself and on others.