The Birth of my Little Man

Baby Bam Bam

So this week has been a bit busy. About 4 hours after I wrote that last post I went into labor with my little man. After a long labor he was born on 10/5/10 at 3:11pm weighing 7lbs 9oz and 20 inches long. The labor, birth and reality of having a son have rocked my world. I feel so incredibly blessed right now.

Birth Story-Long version ** I am a doula and I go into detail here so if you don't feel comfortable reading the birth story from my perspective do not continue**

Monday morning I woke up about 4:30 shivering uncontrollably. I went to the bathroom then came back to bed to get under as many blankets as I could. About a half hour later my contractions started. They started out about 5 minute apart lasting about a minute each, I jumped in the shower to see what would happen. They got a bit more intense and the hubs popped his head in to see what was going on and if he should go to work that day. We figured it would be a good idea for him to stay home, and called my awesome doula, Mama K at about 6 am, and did a few laps around the block. We lapped the block a few more times, watched Flight of the Conchords and I took alot of showers. It started to get pretty intense at about 11:30 am and I felt best laying in bed; the contractions were about 2-3 min apart. The hubs called the midwives and they said to head on into the hospital.

I was extremely anxious about going into the hospital; terrified of having unnecessary procedures, of having my blood pressure go up because of anxiety. The whole hospital part of the birth scared the tar out of me and I think the decision to go in then stalled me out a bit because after that the contractions spaced out again at around 3-4pm. We ended up going out to dinner and while there they picked up a bit then we went over and walked the mall, then we headed home. Mama K headed home to see her little guys for a little bit with instructions for us to call her when things got going again.

They did start picking up again around 10pm, and at about midnight we headed to the hospital. My thinking was that I would sit in the parking lot until I just couldn't stand it then head in, and maybe walk around the parking lot in the meantime. Well it was raining and freezing so that made that difficult, the hubs and I did lap the hospital a couple of times but ended up going home again as the contractions seemed to space out again.

When we got home, I tried to sleep. The contractions were making that impossible, I was exhausted and in a good amount of pain. I called my mom for her advice knowing that if I got too tired there was no way I was going to be able to push this kid out, she basically told me the same thing. What finally made up my mind was that if we got to the hospital and things petered out at least I could get some sleep if they didn't then woo-hoo baby time. So we called Mama K and headed on in. I had to be on monitors for 20 min out of the hour but for the other 40 minutes I was able to labor in the shower, walk around, use the birth ball, listen to music,etc. The 20 minutes in bed were the hardest for me, the contractions just slammed me with back pain. Mama K and the hubs were wonderful in here; offering counter pressure, sips of water, walking with me, distracting me. It was funny I would be doing one thing then remember, hey if I were my doula this is what I would say and it would really help me, the one thing that really helped was the vocalizing making the low hmmmm noises and focusing. I remember during my contractions in bed I focused so hard on the bassinet which was directly in front of me. Towards the end I was so tired I was delirious, I remember just mumbling gibberish then realizing it was gibberish.

Here is the timeline for my dilation during all this at 4 am they checked me and I was 4 cm dilated, at 0 to -1 station and 80% effaced. Then at 6 am I was 6cm and 90 % effaced, at 8 am I was 8 cm and 90% effaced (see a pattern here??). At 10 am I was still at 8 cm and 90% but by noon I was at 9.5 cm with an anterior lip and 100% effaced. The midwife asked me if I wanted to have my water broken at this point and we decided that it probably would just help move things along. She broke my water at 12:30.

At this point we had that lull that they promise every laboring mom. Oh it was so appreciated as I was so incredibly tired from being up since about 5 am the day before laboring. The nurse walked in at one point here and I jokingly asked her if I could have my epidural now. She did such a double take cause I did it with a smile on my face calm as can be, lol. I was pretty happy because this was the only point that I asked for anything and I was just kidding around. What really helped me with this was I requested not to be offered any type of pain medication, they abided by my wishes and my stubborn Irish self wouldn't ask to save my life :).

I started pushing at 2:07. Wow, NOTHING could have prepared me for that. The midwife gave me full discretion to push in whatever position felt good to me and it seemed to be hugging the back of the bed on my hands and knees. I just remember while pushing having such doubt if he would ever come, if I could do it. I started praying in between the contractions asking God to help me, to give me strength, to get this baby out of me! The nurse told me later that I also politely asked the baby "Get out of me! Please!!". After pushing in that position for awhile I moved to stand next to the bed bent over the bed pushing, I kept feeling the midwife underneath me putting the monitor on my belly to get the heart rate and wondering where the heck she was to be doing this. At this point they realize that my hep lock (port for IV) came out so they were trying to clean up the blood on my arm from that, that gave me something else to focus on while pushing so that was good. I could feel his head coming out but no one was saying anything so I figured I was wrong, I was having so much self doubt here. I remember thinking if that isn't his head this labor is going to kill me. The midwife said for the next contraction she wanted me in bed using the squat bar so I did that and his head came out on the next push. She wasn't ready and didn't have her gloves on so she was yelling at me to stop pushing!! I started crying because its impossible to stop and I thought there was something wrong with him (ie cord wrapped around his neck, not breathing). Oh I was soo mad when I found out that it was just because she didn't have gloves on!!

All that was quickly forgotten at 3:11pm when she placed my sweet man on my stomach. I was so overcome with emotion, I couldn't do anything but just cry. I was so in love with this little baby boy and with my husband, I couldn't believe that one room could contain it.

Nursery

So we're in our 37th week here and anxiously anticipating the birth of this little guy. I'm totally loving watching him moving around my belly though, I will miss having him inside of me. Things are definitely getting real; we have the nursery together, bags packed and carseat installed. When we left church on Sunday I realized that there are only a couple more times that we'll be leaving church and its just me and the hubs. The nursery is done, clothes are washed and put away, diapers are washed and put away. There are a few things left to do; like scrub the house and bake an insane amount of dinners and snacks.
Without further ado, here is a look at the nursery.
This is a look at the corner of the room; I love the crate that holds the books you can't see it but it the fabric has awesome numbers and letters in different fonts. The books were the wishing well at the shower, we really got some amazing books that I've been enjoying reading to Baby B already. I have some handmade things from when I was little the Strawberry Shortcake figures were made for me by my sister and there is a little duck finger puppet that my cousin made me. We've been calling this baby our lobster because thats how he looked in the ultrasound and there is a cute lobster hat from his Auntie and Uncle. I also love his Piggy Bank gifted from Eminstiches. Our quilt is also hung here, the theme of the nursery is birds and trees but its really just a loose theme.
I love this crazy mobile. Last Christmas I used some money I received to purchase some things for our nursery. This was before we found out we were pregnant and I was so happy to find out a few weeks later that we were expecting. The birdies are Christmas ornaments from Anthropologie, and I just really liked all the colors, a few of them have little shiny bits as well. Baby B will have a good amount to look at there!!
This is a pic of the shelf above the crib. The garland was decoration from my shower made by Mama K, the cute birdie print is from Mama K as well (you can't tell here but the birds totally match the ribbon from the mobile!). The cross is St. Brigids cross, if Baby B was a girl his name was going to be Brigid after this saint. The cross is made by weaving reeds from the River Shannon, to me its just a beautiful way of using God's creation to tell the story of redemption. The angel is hope, because we hoped and prayed for this little boy.
We received some really beautiful homemade goodies for Baby B; the Froggie was made for me by Eminstitches, this blanket was made by Granny Dirkey for Baby B. When he's born I'm going to be posting some more of the handmade goodies we received, I really do treasure the hard work that goes into those types of gifts.
I love this present that we received; its Baby B's name, meaning and a scripture (2nd Chronicles 16:9 "The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. "). My friend did the calligraphy herself and I love that its the first thing that we see when coming into the nursery.
here's a look into the room with the little toy basket and hamper at the base of the bed. I really like how the room turned out. We purposefully wanted it to be pretty gender neutral (in hopes of future little ones) and think we accomplished this. Every time I look around I see all the love that surrounds our family and Baby Ben; he is so blessed to have so many wonderful people in his life.

Viability and a sigh of relief

So this week I hit a milestone, I'm 24 weeks. Which now is when the baby has a fighting chance of surviving out of the womb. Don't get me wrong I want our little Bam Bam to cook a bit more get some fat on his little body but this really does make me breathe a sigh of relief. I'm also coming pretty close to my 3rd trimester, it seems like its going pretty quickly. I do find myself pretty freaking grumpy when I'm stuck in the heat, thats pretty much the symptom that is most apparent right now. I love feeling little Bam Bam moving and kicking and generally can't keep myself from talking to him when he does, which makes me look pretty "interesting" (read: crazy) when it happens in public. It is such a magical time, having this little boy inside of me growing and sharing everything with me. Its so hard to believe that pretty soon he'll be on his own and on the outside. I can't wait to get to know him, to see who he'll look like, to watch him grow.
I decided we're going to do some childbirth classes. I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not because I am so familiar with birth through my doula work but I figure the refresher is probably good and it will be good for the hubs to have a little more confidence going into it. We are using the Bradley Method because it emphasizes the husbands role as the coach and I've seen great success with clients who use it. It amazes me the difference it makes in labor when you are prepared rather than just "going for the ride". I'm going to do the best I can to prepare both me and the hubs for the events coming up.
I'm going to start researching cribs and deciding what we want. One of the girls from my birth board just posted pictures of her nursery and its soo cute so now I have the itch to get ours going. Right now its filled with so much baby stuff and furniture. I need to reorganize and get rid of some stuff then work on decorating. Conveniently this can be done in air conditioning so maybe that will help with the general grumpiness when its hot outside.

To all the Debbie Downers in the world

Read an article over at Offbeat Mama and was struck by this quote:

This is where I still feel very sensitive. I hate it when people say things like, "At least you have a healthy baby." Or, "That's why you shouldn't make plans for birth–it never goes according to plan." It's very hurtful. I don't think it's fair to imply that I am not grateful for my child or that I am selfish for wanting birth to be more than a "get the baby out" exercise. It is okay that I wanted to be treated as more than a baby-bearing vessel. I am not out to prove something and I'm not trying to be a martyr or get a medal. I just wanted a positive, empowering birth experience and I felt fully educated and aware of my options.

I don't think I will ever understand why people feel the need to poo poo on someones dream for a "natural" birth. Sometimes it seems like whenever something good happens people instantly need to say what could go wrong, like well you shouldn't be too happy cause the other shoe might drop at any moment. I want to be someone who can encourage and who can share joy without being the Debbie Downer to the situation.

I believe birth is like anything else that you would train for, the ending is not all up to you. You can train for a marathon for a year and twist your ankle that morning getting out of bed. You can plan for a natural birth but hey things might go wrong. I think if the person is educated they already know that, they don't need you telling them all about your best friend's cousins birth where she delivered 13lb twins. I'm constantly amazed at how people need to tell me about late miscarriages, stillborn babies, mothers dying in labor. Yes, I know those things happen but I don't need you to constantly remind me of them. I'm working towards a goal, and while maybe you didn't achieve that goal or maybe you don't even care about my goal, I would appreciate you saying nothing if you can't say anything nice or encouraging. Thankfully I do have very encouraging people in my life but there are always the select few that just need to tell you something horrible every time they see you.

Completely Irrational

So I've been doing pretty good with this pregnancy. Mostly I'm just beat tired, I could (and sometimes do) sleep whenever possible. I haven't had morning sickness too bad, but I have had nausea and some crazy food aversions.

Things that are currently ridiculously disgusting to me:
chicken, turkey, eggs, ice cream, anything in my refrigerator, any meat that is not beef.

Whats been killing me is that I'll go grocery shopping and two days later everything that was ok the week before is suddenly disgusting to me now.

I'm not complaining at all about this cause, I know people have it soo much worse and its for a good reason. Also, I have not been cradling the porcelain god so I am happy. It just makes for interesting meals. Like today nothing at all was remotely appealing to pack for lunch so I got to work and it got to lunch time. I started going through our work file of menus and EVERYTHING looked disgusting and by this point I'm shaking cause my blood sugar is low and I need to eat something. What do I do, I started to cry at my desk. Yep 31 yr old big girl crying at her desk cause she needs to eat lunch and doesn't want anything; it wasn't pretty. I had to talk myself down from the ledge, completely irrational. I ended up just getting some breadsticks cause thats the only thing I could remotely imagine eating and now I'm feeling a bit better.

One good thing-pregnancy pants.
Dude EVERYONE should wear them. They are sooo comfy. I felt funny breaking them out but my appendix scar has been bugging me and the waistband of my other pants sits right on it, not fun. I might buy a pair for my buffet loving brother and sister in law for Christmas.