HUGE sigh of relief

Last night I was at a benefit concert for Haiti and saw about 1,000 people that I knew. Of course it got around that we were expecting, well all last night I was freaking the crap out. I was so worried that I Murphy's Lawed myself out of this pregnancy. Completely rational I know. Thankfully we had our appointment today we had already seen the heartbeat but we hadn't heard it yet. I was practically having a panic attack as we're walking in. Thankfully the midwife I see is awesome and completely reassuring. She advised that we might not hear the baby's heartbeat but to save me from certain freak out she would bring in the ultrasound so we could see the baby if we couldn't hear the heartbeat. So I sat there trying to breath in and breath out an not freak out as she started looking for the heartbeat, literally 5 seconds later we heart the gallop of our little lobsters heart. Such an incredible sound, I totally think my baby has the cutest heartbeat of any baby around.

In other news we drove my little car into the ground this weekend. Which is fine since we were in the market for a 4 door anyway it just makes us look sooner rather than later.

Completely Irrational

So I've been doing pretty good with this pregnancy. Mostly I'm just beat tired, I could (and sometimes do) sleep whenever possible. I haven't had morning sickness too bad, but I have had nausea and some crazy food aversions.

Things that are currently ridiculously disgusting to me:
chicken, turkey, eggs, ice cream, anything in my refrigerator, any meat that is not beef.

Whats been killing me is that I'll go grocery shopping and two days later everything that was ok the week before is suddenly disgusting to me now.

I'm not complaining at all about this cause, I know people have it soo much worse and its for a good reason. Also, I have not been cradling the porcelain god so I am happy. It just makes for interesting meals. Like today nothing at all was remotely appealing to pack for lunch so I got to work and it got to lunch time. I started going through our work file of menus and EVERYTHING looked disgusting and by this point I'm shaking cause my blood sugar is low and I need to eat something. What do I do, I started to cry at my desk. Yep 31 yr old big girl crying at her desk cause she needs to eat lunch and doesn't want anything; it wasn't pretty. I had to talk myself down from the ledge, completely irrational. I ended up just getting some breadsticks cause thats the only thing I could remotely imagine eating and now I'm feeling a bit better.

One good thing-pregnancy pants.
Dude EVERYONE should wear them. They are sooo comfy. I felt funny breaking them out but my appendix scar has been bugging me and the waistband of my other pants sits right on it, not fun. I might buy a pair for my buffet loving brother and sister in law for Christmas.

Cloth Diapering Amazingness!

So this little lobster is getting cloth diapers, way more for frugal reasons than for any other but the environmental issues did weigh in in our decision making. The hubs is totally on board with it, I think it made it easier that he learned how to do cloth with the twins and realized its not that difficult. Thankfully I have some IRL friends that use cloth on their tots that have totally helped me decide what I do and don't need. When we had the twins we purchased about 2 dozen prefolds and about 6 covers in medium size; which is awesome now cause that money was long ago spent and doesn't impact our current budget. In the past week or so I've gotten awesome gifts and loans of more cloth diapers. One of my former doula clients and friends gave us on loan 32 Swaddlebees with a bunch of newborn covers, woolies and fleece. Another friend who is on her last babe passed along a bunch of prefolds. My dear friend, Mama K, has said she would help me organize my stash and see if there are any holes (as well as pass along on loan some of her small ones). I also won the most adorable medium cover from Deb at Made By Mama by being her fan on Facebook.

As it looks now we pretty much are set for diapering our babe in October. I'm just so incredibly thankful that this is working out so early in my pregnancy and I don't need to worry about it later on. I'm also so thankful that I have friends and family that already do alot of the things that the hubs and I would like to do with our child. What a wonderful support network already in place.

I am blessed.

70X7

Matthew 18:21-22
²¹Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

²²Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Wow this is so hard for me sometimes. I'm struggling right now with forgiveness and here's the thing. The person that has hurt me, they probably don't even realize/care that they have. I am called as a Christian to love them and forgive, but for some reason this one is really hard for me. I keep thinking that I do act like this to God all the time, and he forgives me. Where would I be without that forgiveness, I shudder to even think. So how do you forgive when people don't ask for forgiveness and to confront them is to call them a liar. I'm at a loss but I'm praying that God will continue to work on me, that I will love as I'm called that God will grant me wisdom to know how to deal with people like this.

Any suggestions?

-This person, to my knowledge, does not read this blog and I'm trying to keep as anonymous on it as I can so no guesses please.

Dream

So this morning I woke up at 3:30 am after having a dream. It wasn't a bad dream it was one of those ones you kind of wish you could fall back asleep and revisit. I had a very vivid dream about my best friend Amanda. I was at a spending time at her house with her and it was obvious that I was in her world. She was doing great with a whole host of friends and a lovely house. The house was one of those ones that you would love to explore with nooks and cranys and odd spaces. I was able to tell her my news and see her reaction. It was one of those dreams thats like a gift to you. I've gotten several gifts like this since Amanda had passed but this one was special because its been so long and my news is something we both dreamed about all growing up; to be moms. I got to tell her all about Jason and then tell her my news, it was so nice. Its still amazing to me that you can miss someone so much after so long, but I'm so glad I got to share with my first bff if only in a dream.

I wasn't going to share my news on my blog just yet but I couldn't keep that dream to myself. I don't want to forget it.

We are due 10/10/10 and are so incredibly excited. We saw our little lobsters (what the baby looks like on the ultrasound) heartbeat last Tuesday and it was so incredibly amazing to watch that little heart going.