7 Months of Bug!

Oh Boy,
You little man! Thats what I see now when I look at you, a little man. You are silly, curious, happy, vocal, energetic and wonderful! Its amazing to watch you learn about the world around you, express yourself and just growing to be your own separate person.

The beginning of this month you were just starting to be able to sit on your own and now you are an accomplished sitter and you are also moving! You don't flat out crawl yet but you are never where we set you down. You do this cute little army crawl and grunt and whine and just go for it. When you first started you would shove your face into the ground and crawl, how happy am I that you moved on! I have started realizing that I need to sweep and vacuum like 100 times a day to get all the tiny bits and flecks that you seem to find and instantly put in your mouth!!
You are a sleep fighter during the day it takes awhile to get you to realize how tired you are but you do have some tells. I know when you start flapping your arm that you are ready for a nap, when both arms are going watch out I have a sleepy bug on my hands. You also suck on your lips when you are tired. You are still waking up about 2-3 times a night, thankfully you only wake up for a snack and you go right back to bed. Also your wake up time seems to be pushing back to 5 am which is nice, I really wouldn't mind if you adjusted that to 9am :) You are ready for bed around 6:30 or 7 and love your routine.

You are all about the bath and your bath toys. Your turtle is definitely one of your favorite toys and you will carry it around in your mouth from the bath to get your diaper and pjs on and only relinquish it when the hope of food presents itself. You love the bath though and will splash and jump around. Its so fun watching you play with your bath toys!
You also got another tooth this month! You look like quite the hillbilly with one tooth up on top and two below. I adore your little toothy smile and the belly laughs that come out it! You love to laugh and your daddy and I both have our own ways of getting a laugh out of you. My favorite way is to pick you up straight out of the bathtub and kiss your spine, you get the biggest smile and giggle! Daddy goes for the fake sneeze and you go for it every time.
This month you had your first Easter. We celebrated by going to church then having Mom Mom and Pop Pop M over for dinner. Your dad and I aren't sure how we are going to celebrate Easter with you, whether we want to keep it just about our faith or to add in the Easter Bunny to the mix. This year we colored eggs and went to church, I'm glad to have another year to figure it out :) We also had two first communions, one for cousin Mason and one for cousin Grace. I love watching you with your cousins its so adorable to see how much they love you! I can't wait to watch you guys all grow up together, I'm so excited that you have so many so close in age to you! You are going to have 4 within around a year of your age, that just sounds like such fun :)
I can't forget to mention your first baseball game, of course it was a Phillies game! We were surprised with the gift of tickets by some of our favorite people, your buddy Luke's parents. What a treat! You and I took the train into Philly and got so many people commenting on your Phillies hat and sign. Daddy met us over at the stadium and you seemed to really be loving it!! After the game started you fell asleep and stayed asleep for a couple of innings. It got loud though as stadiums do, and I had to fight the urge to shush people! You and I ended up standing in the back of our section where you charmed the ushers with your cuteness. We had such a great time and bonus the Phillies Won!!
I'm a little late in writing this update as we have been so busy. The two weeks leading up to your 7th monthaversary were tough. There was not much sleeping going on and you just weren't acting yourself. Its hard to see when you are in the moment but I should have known that there were going to be some big developments going on and there were(those are for next months newsletter though!). Such is life, if only there was a way sometimes to take the focus back and see the bigger picture. I do try to take it a day at a time, always find things to enjoy in you, and be purposeful about being content in where we are; I'll continue working on this as I pray that you grow up on a house full of peace and joy. Thats not the easiest thing to create sometimes but your Dad and I are committed to it and with both of us working to create that tone in our house hopefully that is the type of home we have.
With the warmer weather you have started waking up with sweaty head and have started having a definite little boy smell. I look at you sometimes and I'm amazed at how big you have gotten. You look so different from that little baby I met 7 months ago and I am starting to see glimpses of the little boy in you. I'm trying to take in each special moment; nursing you to sleep at night as your hand rests on my cheek (or holds my nose), tickling your belly, singing to you, taking walks together, sitting on the front porch watching the neighborhood kids play. There are so many moments that go by that I know I'm going to look back on so I just try to take a mental picture, smell your little boy smell and hold onto it while its here. Tomorrow comes ever too soon.

not the best pic of daddy, I hurt his eyes trying to capture this sweet moment

All my love little one,
Your mama

Monthly Update-Month 2 on WW

WW- 17 lbs lost
Pre-pregnancy- 30 lbs lost
Pregnancy- 45 lbs lost
So this month I was really happy with my lifestyle is changing. I have been consistently tracking and consistently exercising. I also have been consistently losing, woot woot! One big victory was the ability to take my wedding and engagement rings off, I haven't been able to do that for 3 years! So yeah, they needed to be cleaned like CRAZY!! I also wore a dress from Ann Taylor for Easter and it fit! I love Ann Taylor and I'm soo happy to be able to wear clothes from there!

Cake Decorating Gerbera Daisy

The last two cakes I've made I have been working on my Gerbera Daisies and I think that I finally figured it out. The next time I make them it will be perfect!!
This is the first attempt, I was going for Gerbera's and also Zinnia's. I think it was passable but there were a few things I wasn't thrilled about. The dusting powder I put on was too thick and took away from the flower, also the icing wasn't as smooth as it needed to be.

This is the second. I used a #104 tip.
To start I took a drinking glass and lightly used it to make perfect circle indentations on the cake. Then I took the #104 tip and started from the outside and placing the icing bag at a 45 degree angle and brought it into the center. The first cake I started from the center and was frustrated with how the outside edges turned out. After I finished the petal color I just filled in the center with a contrasting color. Next time I would use a small star tip and use it multiple times to fill in the center. I still love the effect that it had and thought it was beautiful!

Diaper Cake Centerpieces

We had my sister in laws shower the other week and one of the decorations was diaper cake centerpieces. These weren't the huge type they were the size of a normal 9" layer cake.
To make three of these I used:
3 receiving blankets
a package of 44 diapers
15 big silk flowers
contrasting ribbon
1 rubber band

Here is the breakdown of how I did it, the pictures above show chronologically how to do these types of cakes.
1. Lay the blanket down on a smooth surface
2. Place a glass in the middle and bring the blanket up and into the cup
3. Roll a diaper up and put a rubber band around it
4. Continue rolling diapers up and place inside the same rubber band
5. Place the glass inside the circle of diapers
6. Take blanket out of glass and smooth around the diapers
7. Take the glass out and fill the hole with wrapped up diapers
8. Flip cake over and tuck in the excess blanket
9. Flip back over and tie ribbons around the diaper cake
10. Tuck in silk flowers and arrange so that the dipaers on top are hidden.
11. Place on an elevated cake plate as a centerpiece.
Beautiful!

We used these and accessorized with fresh flowers that were also prizes.

6 Month Newsletter

My Buggle Boy,
There is a part in "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" that says that "That the Grinch's small heart Grew three sizes that day!". That is the best way I know to describe being a mother to you. Every day I feel like my ability to love grows. This month was a month of changes, as every month seems to be since we've met! There are so many things that I thought I knew about being a parent, or ideas I held about how things were going to be; I learn every day that I was wrong. Its a good kind of humbling though and I'm happy to learn from you.
I had it set in my head that we were going to exclusively breastfeed till 6 months and I was holding strong to that. You had other things in mind as you lunged for my food and drinks day after day. Finally we relented about a week before 6 months and gave you your first official meal, banana and water. This was after your first unofficial meal which was sharing my apple the day before. I was a little surprised because you were very underwhelmed by the banana but LOVED your water. Since then you've had banana, avocado, blueberry and apple. Your favorite is apples, and you don't want me to cut it up really tiny or puree it; you like to use your teeth and shave yours right off of the apple.


This month we also had your dedication, it was a beautiful day filled with family and friends. I was so excited to have you dedicated, before you were born I felt very much like Hannah in the Bible. I wanted a little boy so much, I prayed and prayed. I can't even describe the desire I had for a son and after 16 months of trying and one miscarriage we were blessed with you. After Hannah had Samuel she said:

" I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.”
1 Samuel 1:27-28

This is how your Dad and I felt; we were blessed by God with you and we dedicate you to Him. We promise to raise you to know the love of God and teach you all about our faith. We pray that when you are old enough to make the decision that you will share our faith. We also picked your Godparents, Uncle Walter and Aunt Pam. It was a very difficult decision to pick them as you are surrounded by many Aunts and Uncles, Relatives and Friends who love you dearly.
You also had your first St. Patrick's Day! I don't know if you picked up on it, but St. Patty's Day is kind of a big thing in our house. Your daddy and I got married on St. Patty's Day! Daddy took a long weekend and we had so much fun together! You always seem most happy when the three of us are together. We had sushi and went to an indoor water park (your first time in a pool!). You weren't digging the water too much but we took you right during nap time which is just silly. Eventually you fell asleep in the wading river, proving once again if tired enough you will sleep anywhere. We also visited a couple of parks nearby one for a walk and one for a picnic. We put you on the swing and you loved it. Granny was impressed with how well you held on in the picture we sent her.

This month you also had your first tantrum. It was pretty funny, you are generally a pretty happy fellow and usually when you cry it is for a reason; so when you completely lost it in the bathtub we were stumped. Your dad had just used the blue plastic octopus cup to rinse your hair and then you lost it. Finally we realized that you WANTED THAT CUP!! While I wouldn't have guessed it, I kind of like these tantrums. Its just another way that we can communicate, I like that you know what you want and tell us! Eventually I hope you learn the tools to tell us in other ways but I do hope you always feel welcome to tell us your thoughts and desires.You also have gotten shy this month. You are still quick to give smiles but will hide your head on my shoulder or in my chest when people come talk to you. It is pretty adorable I must say! You also started splashing in the tub with your hands, you have always loved soaking anyone near you with your feet but the hands is a new one for this month.

he kind of reminds me of a marionette here

You have started reaching for people this month. The first time was to nurse at night then the first person besides Mommy and Daddy that you reached for was Aunt Pam. You are getting really good at sitting up on your own as well. You do fall over but you can stay up for awhile before you do. You haven't quite got the transition from sitting to hands and knees intentionally but I know its coming. You are really getting close to the crawling too, you generally will get where you want to go but it doesn't look like crawling yet. The other day you just scooted yourself across our bed on your back and pushing with your knees. More often than not you do this thing where you push with your feet and kind of jam your face into whatever surface you are on to get where you want to go. I am going to be so happy when you learn not to do this!!
You really enjoy a good book, I can usually get in 3-4 in a sitting without you losing interest. We read all the time and you love to listen to music too. I have caught you keeping time with the music which is already better than me!!
You are really enjoying the change in the weather which has led to more walks outside. We try to go every day and you love being in the BECO and walking! We go for at least 40 minutes at a time and you have never fussed while on a walk.

You are so much fun my boy. I am having a blast being your Mommy. You make me laugh, teach me and humble all at the same time. This Mommy gig can grow you like nothing I've known before.
Love Always,
Mama

Monthly Update-Month 1 on WW

So I started Weight Watchers last month and I'm debating on how I want to document that here. I don't think I want this to be my accountability but it is something big in my life now so I do want to mention it here; so I think it will be a monthly update.

Since Bug has been born I have been trying to be conscious about my food choices and try to make better choices and be more active. On a total from the date he was born I have lost at least 39 lbs. Holla! Based on my pre-pregnancy weight I have lost 25lbs. I am so happy about this! Weight Watchers has really helped give me a jumpstart because I was stuck on the same 5 lbs for a month jumping up and down then once I started it has just started coming off.

This month I have lost 11 lbs. I am ecstatic about losing weight but even more so about being a role model to Bug in this. If I keep at it, he might not even remember me being overweight. I want to be a mom that can chase him around, run and play with him. I want to be a mom that can model good food choices and not pass on bad habits to him. Mostly I want to be a mom that is around for awhile. Now I realize that this isn't completely in my control that God is sovereign but I can help it by keeping in shape and decreasing my chances of Diabetes, heart disease and heart attack.

The biggest help to me has been having a food tracker right on my phone. I can look up all my food and keep track of is so easily this way; no juggling books and keeping paper and pen on me or relying on my memory. Also I have been using my kitchen scale like a fiend. The thing I feel most accomplished with is activity, Bug and I have been walking and I can tell that my energy and endurance is already up. I wear him in my Beco and just walk and walk; generally he gets tired and takes a nap but sometimes he just looks around on our whole walk. I love that I am teaching him to get out and get active!! We have also had a few parties to attend, that has always been a stumbling block to me in the past. This month I feel like I have really gone into them with a healthy attitude of not worrying too much but trying to make healthy choices. One "bad" day won't derail weeks of healthy choices if I don't let it.

As far as clothes I am already down 2 sizes and I am on the cusp of the next clothing size. Its a big one for me because once I get there I can start shopping in one of my favorite "regular" stores that don't cater to the big girls. I am still in plus sizes but just being able to shop in certain stores is a win for me and shows me that sometime soon I won't have to be in plus sizes anymore. So yes, things are going well. I keep praying for the strength to take this day by day and make good healthy choices.

****I am not being compensated for this post. This is just my unbiased opinions of these companies/products.

The Neighborhood Challenge-They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love

I was very inspired at my MOPS meeting the other week. There was a young woman who was a mother of two (I believe) and a missionary who spoke. Part of her lesson was about raising children and she said, and I paraphrase, that by attending ONLY and primarily to your children's needs that you raise them to be self centered people. You need to model for them the focus that you would like them to have.

About a week later we had something horrible happen to someone right on our street. One of our neighbors murdered his ex-wife's boyfriend then killed himself. In the news article it said that the police were familiar with this family before and had been called for domestic disturbances. This was terribly sad to me because while I was friendly with their two boys (we have chatted it up about hockey a few times). I had never spoken to either the mother (who moved out 6 months ago) or the father and I had no idea that this poor woman was abused or even had even moved out. As I tried to sleep that night a verse kept popping into my head.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind
and with all your strength.’
The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
There is no commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:30-31

Obviously I wasn't working on loving my neighbor or modeling the love I want my Bug to have for those around us. I didn't even know their first names. This kicked around my head for a few days and I prayed about it trying to figure out how I could accomplish this. I am outgoing by nature but just going to someones house and introducing myself, uhh do people really do that?

As I thought and prayed over it, I thought about how God made me, my strengths and what gives me joy. God has given me a love of baking and cooking. There are so many things I would love to bake and cook but with working on my weight I am also working on not having so much temptation in my house. LIGHTBULB!! I can bake and cook and just drop off treats to my neighbors with a little note on it introducing our family and letting them know they are in our thoughts and prayers. As we get to know more and more people we can make a neighborhood map with peoples names on it and we can pray for them as a family.

The first neighbor we dropped off treats to was the woman and her children that I had mentioned previously and I was NERVOUS like shaking nervous. I brought Bug and we rang their doorbell, they answered and I just introduced myself and handed them a plate of molasses cookies with a note letting them know they were in our thoughts and prayers. Bug and I just went out today with our second drop of carrot cake cupcakes and met a new neighbor. It is definitely a bit nerve-wracking to me but I am hoping that it will get easier each time. The woman I met today was so sweet and is stopping by with her husband tonight so they can meet the hubs.

We are going to work on doing this once a week and it will take awhile but we should be able to get everyone on our street at least once a year. It is just a small thing but hopefully it will open my eyes and Bug's eyes to the needs around us we can pray for.

What are your strengths and what can you do with them to show others love?

It's Funny Because It's True

5 Month Newsletter

Dear Buggy,

Every month I say I can't believe that you are another month older and its true. I've been staring at you all morning wondering how it is my little 7lb 9oz infant has grown and changed so much! It is a great reminder to stop what I'm doing and just enjoy you. This month has brought about so much change!

look you are all grown up and a Flyers goalie! Where did my baby go?

You started rolling over!! Its crazy watching you because you have to get pretty worked up to do it, you grunt and fuss but eventually you flip over. Once you do you are pleased as punch though.
Also you got two teeth! TWO! On Feb 21st your two bottom teeth came in. I remember the exact moment, we were in the car and daddy was driving and I was riding with you because you were fussing (probably because your teeth were poking you!) You were chewing on my hand then all the sudden you bit me! Wow, those little chompers are sharp!!! Daddy and I are very wary about putting our fingers in your mouth now because you love biting everything! You love kisses too and will just open your mouth and "kiss" all over my face :)

Speaking of biting, you have been so interested in watching us eat lately. Every time I take a drink of water you tip your head back and open your mouth. You watch us most intently while we are eating though. I have even let you start chewing on some veggies; a carrot, celery stick and sugar snap peas. You are VERY interested in that. "this duck is kinda creeping me out"

I'm excited for you to grow and experience new things but the thought of you eating anything other than momma's milk has me so sad. I have loved nursing you, it has had its own challenges but holding you in my arms and feeding you is the most special thing. It allows me the time to slow down and just look at you. I know I'll be nursing you for a long time to come but this coming milestone is bittersweet for me. We will definitely be waiting for at least 6 months to start actually feeding you things (instead of just letting you bite!).
You are so smiley and boy are you LOUD! You love to talk, squeal, sing and screech. Whenever I'm on the phone people are always laughing at how loud you are. You are also quite the flirt, you love smiling at pretty girls. Last Sunday in church you were distracting all the teenage girls behind you (the very gorgeous William's girls) with your smiles. It was so funny! You do that to me though too, I'll want to do the dishes or something dumb like that and you just look at me and smile and a half hour later we are still playing. Making you laugh is like an addiction!

you and your "girlfriend" Kira

You are the ultimate morning person you generally need a diaper change at around 4:30 every day and Daddy generally takes one for the team on that one. You wake up with the biggest smile though, its really adorable. You will just sit and smile and talk and take one hand and put it on my arm and one hand on your daddy's arm. It's so cute, you love our little family :) Most of the time after your diaper is changed you will settle down, nurse and go back to sleep; this month Daddy has even started to need his alarm clock again! Some mornings you will even sleep till 8 or 8:30 (THANK YOU!!), I feel so bad for Daddy when that happens because he doesn't get his special Buggy Time before work. He definitely makes up for it when he gets home and carries you around most of the night. I can't even describe the look you have when you look at your Daddy, just pure Awe. We were in church and singing a praise and worship song to God and you were looking at your Daddy with such love and amazement; I just laughed and told your Daddy it seemed like you were singing to him.

you and your daddy at the Discovery Museum watching HOCKEY!!

We have started being able to go outside more and we both are enjoying that. Although when the wind blows you don't quite know what to do. You just shut your eyes tight and hold your breath!

Another thing you love is BATHTIME!! Oh my you love bath time. You are like a little fish! I'm convinced that you think you can swim as you are always trying to throw yourself underwater or gently lower yourself. You will quietly stick your face in the water and when I lift you out you are like "what? was that a problem?". I can't wait to get you in a pool or in the ocean to see if you are the little water baby I think you are.

making our first craft, Valentine's Day Cards

That's pretty much how things go around here right now. I'm so excited for where we are at and excited for the things to come. While a piece of me mourns every milestone because it means my little baby isn't such a little baby anymore. You are such a sweet boy and your smile lights up my life in a way I've never known before!
Love always,
Your Mama

Turning Point

We reach a point every day where Bug is so tired that he is literally thrashing around unable to fall asleep. I have to hold him, sing to him, nurse him; just basically help my little boy fall asleep. He doesn't have the facilities to do it on his own so I help.

I feel like this right now. I've been working on losing weight off and on my whole life. I feel like I thrash about and try and try and it doesn't work; I need help. Tomorrow I'm starting Weight Watchers, again. Yes, again. I feel like I need the tools again and to realize what normal is. I need to get into good routines so I can be healthy. There are so many things I want to do and be in life that require me to be healthier.

Deep breath, I'm taking the plunge.

Tips!

So, the hubs and I turned the t.v. off on January 3rd and kept it off till Feb 4th. Since then we've watched 1 tv show and 2 movies. I think we have broken our tv addiction. Woo hoo!

While at the library this week I picked up some videos of Julia Child's "The French Chef" series and have been watching one per day while Bug is nursing. I've never seen any of her shows before and I discovered that I ADORE her!! While watching she solved a big annoyance to me in the kitchen. We rarely have paper products as we use cloth napkins, cleaning rags, etc. One thing that I always need a napkin or paper towel for, is to butter pans for baking and cooking. Well while watching Julia, she used a spatula to spread the butter in the pan. It was like a huge lightbulb moment for me! One of those things that you don't think of but its such an easy solution!

Made my day!

Rollin, rollin, rollin!

4 Month Letter

Hey My Buggy Boy!

4 Months!! I can't believe it but another month has gone by. It seems like this month really marked so much change for you and you are your own person now.see look at you chewing on your 4 month sticker instead of letting me take a picture of it!

Before it just seemed like you were an extension of me but now you are really starting to express yourself and use your body.
This month marks a milestone for us. We have been taking this nursing thing as it comes with my first goal being 6 weeks, then my second being 4 months. I've been reading so much research about how good it is for me to exclusively breastfeed if only to the 4 month mark. We have hit that and set our new goal to at least 6 months exclusive. I love nursing you, as you get bigger and we interact in different ways its my guaranteed time to cuddle and snuggle with you.



Speaking of cuddling and snuggling, we are also still co-sleeping. This is mostly because it just works for us. You still wake up 1-2 times per night to nurse and it's so nice to just nurse you in bed and go back to sleep. I love waking up to see the two people I love most in the world as well. I know it doesn't work for everyone but I am enjoying this time we have all together as a family.

the "Back Ben"

One of the cute things you do is a maneuver we call the "Back Ben" other people may refer to it as a back bend. If your daddy or I get out of bed to get ready for the day you will bend as far as you can backwards to look for us, sometimes you will even start talking like "hey, you forgot me!!"

You are really talking up a storm now, you normally wake up around 5:30 am and spend some time with Daddy before he goes to work. Most mornings I take that hour to sleep some more but sometimes I'll just hear you talking, cooing and just telling your Daddy stories.

video of one of our conversations

I talk to you all day long and now you are talking back to me(makes me feel less crazy, thanks!). You get so excited sometimes that your arms and legs get moving too. I am a little worried that you might end up a lawyer like your Uncle Wally but we'll see :) You also laugh like a champ.
You are such a joy to me and your dad, we know that we are blessed to have such a happy boy. We enjoy you so much!

This month it really seems like you are figuring out your hands. You grab and actually play with your toys. Ok, by playing I really mean you try to eat them, but they entertain you and that is fun to see. You are really into the teething thing, EVERYTHING goes into your mouth. You love the maple wood teethers that we got you for Christmas and it is pretty funny seeing a little boy just chewing away on a piece of wood! Sometimes it looks like you might turn into a thumb sucker too, a couple of times you have found your thumb and kept it there for a few minutes. I guess that's just another thing to watch for as you get older.


"Little" boy is not such an accurate description of who you are, you are quite the big boy!! Your cousin Payton is just a little thing so your Aunt Anna and I laugh every day about the differences in you guys! Pop-pop even made this side by side comparison that cracks us up!
I love your rolls and chunkiness and you seem to love the belly kisses and neck kisses that come along with being a chunker! You also seem to be getting a little ticklish with your neck now so I am excited to see if that is going to be your tickle spot.

Your daddy and I have started a night time routine for you this month, we give you a bath, change you, read to you, pray over you and nurse you. You have really taken to the routine and seem to be ready to go to bed right afterwards. I love watching your face as we take turns reading to you, you are a pretty attentive little guy and love to read books. You also seem to be pretty reverent while we pray, which is pretty cute but I'm sure its just a coincidence. Some times you even grasp your hands together, ahh cuteness!

You have been getting really good with tummy time too and sometimes can move yourself forward a little bit!! This amazes us, but most things you do amaze us. You have also been using the excersaucer and your legs to hold yourself up while in it. I am really working on not comparing you to other kids your age, this is so hard for me. I want to gauge where you are and see how your development falls with all of your "friends". I'm reminding myself that you are a unique little guy and to just enjoy every moment we have together. You are working right through the developmental chart so that is good to see. Most important though is to show you how much we love you no matter what. Oh Bug, we do, we love you so much just for you being you.

we call this your "south Philly" outfit
being a Flyers Fan is the only thing you have no choice about

I'm excited to see the changes that this new month brings. I love watching you learn and grow and do new things. You amaze me! No matter how big you get or how many things you learn you will always be my baby boy and you will always be surrounded by my love.

Love Always!
Your mama

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Parenting thought for the day

pic of my Bug nursing

Psalms 22:9
Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb
and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.

This really struck me when I read it the other day. You "led me to trust you at my mother's breast". I am teaching my baby how to trust. How that colors the way I treat him if I first ask myself, is this a way to teach him how to trust? I pray that I act in such a way that he would trust me and in turn trust God.