Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The difference a year makes

It was a year ago today that we lost our first little angel. I vividly remember so much of that experience; physical pain, emotional pain, anger, hurt, grief. I know that God has done so much in me this year through that loss. It is weird to me to think that if it didn't happen I'd be holding a five month old baby right now. I'm technically full term right now and our little boy could make his arrival at any time. I know that I cherish this pregnancy more knowing that I'm blessed to be able to carry this little one. I really find it hard to complain about the normal pregnancy stuff because I'm just so happy to be pregnant. I do find myself talking about it a bit just because its whats going on but to be honest; I don't mind not sleeping, I don't mind the pelvic pain, I don't mind the doctors appointments and I don't mind the swelling. I'm so overjoyed to carry this little boy and will carry with me the memory of my first little one forever. I know that one thing he taught me was to be grateful for what I do have. I'm so grateful for both of my little ones, for my wonderful husband, incredible friends and family; we have so much.
The one thing I'd say to anyone going through that is to seek to see what you have learned. Seek to see the positives. When you go through something that hard sometimes it is easy to get sucked into bitterness and anger but that won't help you get through it. Take it easy on yourself though because you can't be suzie sunshine all the time, sometimes you just might need a good cry.


Heather @ Marine Corps Nomads said...

Very good advice.

The pain of loss never completely goes away, but it eases with time.

We still think about the "what ifs", but we are at peace with what has happened and grateful for our beautiful daughter.

mama k said...

What a difference a year makes indeed. It has been 2 years here and it's always in the back of my mind, but thankfully there is healing with time.

Trace said...

Time passes and when you look back it's amazing how things have changed espectially when they're positive changes. I had similar feelings when Lovey Girl turned a year.